I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I could make wine with my vomit
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize