Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dick very happy bro
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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