I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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