don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
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Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize