Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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