i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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