How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
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How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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