He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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