We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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