sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
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Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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