I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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