I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i would one night stand the shit outta him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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