Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize