so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
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Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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