God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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