I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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