youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize