So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize