it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize