there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
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You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
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We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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