Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize