We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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