I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
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