I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize