Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
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i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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