Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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