I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize