Cold hands, warm shart.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
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You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
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i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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