Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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