I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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