The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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