My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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