I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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