I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize