just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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