i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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