Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
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The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
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Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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