I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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