I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
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The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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