She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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