Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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