i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
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It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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