im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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