I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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