you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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