You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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