Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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