He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize