I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
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The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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