Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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